A very common belief within Evangelical circles is that for someone to remain single for a lengthy season of their life, at least happily so, would then mean that they have the “gift of singleness.” While in one sense I think that is true, what is typically meant by “gift,” is a type of given ability to remain in that, er… rather less desirable position. However, this is not what Paul means when we take a closer look at what he is actually saying in I Corinthians 7, where this “gift” belief arises from. Within the wider context it is clear that Paul is referring to his own state of singleness as he writes:
Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.
What is clear is that singleness is a gift, what we are taking a closer look at is what type of gift singleness is. Is it some kind of supernatural ability to cope with the burden of all that singleness entails? Or, could it actually just be a gift. Picture it, singleness all wrapped up in a pretty box, it’s even got a bow on top, and it’s Christmas morning, and guess what, you get the gift of singleness. Not an ability, but a thing. As Sam Allberry helpfully puts it, “[Paul’s] point is that both marriage and singleness are gifts. Marriage is a gift, and so too is singleness.”1
Now, this may sound odd to a culture that is so one sided when it comes to marriage and romance, I mean, how on earth could singleness actually be a gift in that sense? And if it is, we hope it comes with a return-receipt, right? But we have to let Scripture speak on its own terms, and be willing to readjust our own views if we find them contrary to what God says, even if that means coming to terms with singleness itself being a gift.
When we start to see singleness in this light, it changes our expectations for what we expect singleness to be like. As Tim Keller notes (quoted by Allberry)
In his writings, Paul always uses the word “gift” to mean an ability God gives to build others up. Paul is not speaking.. of some kind of elusive, stress-free state.2
Although Keller uses the term ability, think carefully about how he is directing us to think about what the gift enables us to do. Think about it, when we’ve typically considered if someone, perhaps even ourselves, has the gift of singleness, what do we usually do? In most cases, we look inward. We go to the subjective emotional state, and following Obi One Kenobi instead of Scripture, we “search our feelings.” If singleness isn’t satisfying our emotional needs, or the needs of those whom we are counseling, then the gift must not be present.
And yet, what Allberry and Keller are helping us to see is that the giftings of those within the church have outward benefits for others in the church. Singleness is a gift that allows one to have “undistracted devotion to the Lord”(I Cor. 7:35). When singleness is seen more as a state of living in which a believer is gifted to better serve the Lord, rather than an internal “superpower” that allows one to “deal with it,” we are drawn to see several important things.
First, ultimately singleness is a good thing, not something that needs extra power to survive. Next, it causes those who are single to seek contentment and not grow bitter, questioning why God would leave them in a state when they don’t have this mysterious gift to cope with it. Furthermore, it prevents those who are single from taking hold of un-Godly excuses that justify a variety of sins: since God hasn’t given me this gift, he must want me to sleep with her, or marry this unbeliever, or reinterpret passages on homosexuality. Finally, this reorientates our understanding of marriage, reminding us that just as there is no specific gift for dealing with the difficulties of singleness there is no promised escape from the trials of seeking marital contentment; marriage is not an escape from some intrinsically more difficult state, indeed, Jesus, with the help of some exasperated disciples, reminds us that for some it is better not to marry (Matthew 19:11).3 No matter what season of life one finds themselves in, we should all give thanks for whatever gift we have received from the Lord, whether it is in this manner or in that.
Notes:
- Sam Allberry, 7 Myths about Singleness, (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2019), 37
- Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage (New York: Dutton, 2011), 207-8; sourced from: Ibid. 40
- These points are drawn from Allberry; see: Ibid. 38-39
Moore Thinking 
Your post should be a great encouragement to others.
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Interesting. I lean the same way, though, ultimately I’m not entirely sure exactly what Paul means by “gift” here, since he doesn’t explain it in detail himself, thus leaving different Christian schools of thought to fill in the blanks and have this sort of disagreement.
In Matthew, Jesus clearly states that some people won’t get married (19:10-12) The Bible has good things to say about both marriage and singleness. When Paul talks about this (1 Corinthians 7), he writes that, if you’re single and struggle to control sexual desires, you should try to get married. In this case, the Bible encourages marriage. It does not, however, promise that it’ll work out for you if you do decide to pursue it. He does say that not everyone has the gift of singleness. But I’m sure that there’s many who lack this gift who, despite everything, still don’t find mates. There’s also married Christians who suddenly find themselves single due to freak accidents and unspeakable tragedies.This all sounds cruel and messed up, but we live in a cruel and messed-up world. It’s not necessarily God’s “plan” or God’s “fault.” It’s just a harsh world we live in. Paul himself cautioned singles about marriage “because of the present crisis.” If a Christian is single again because their spouse suddenly died in a freak accident, is that because God wanted to “bless” them with singleness again because of how amazing and wonderful it is? I doubt it. It’s just a bad world we live in.
According to some Christians, if you’re single and never marry in your lifetime, it’s because of God’s will and calling. I don’t know about that. How are we supposed to know that for sure, exactly? Sometimes people will say this will only be revealed to you through long sessions of “prayer/meditation/contemplation,” or something like that. I’ve prayed over this for years, I still desire a relationship leading to marriage, and I still haven’t experienced success in this area of life, and I still haven’t “heard from God” on which path He supposedly wants for me. Maybe we just over-spiritualize the whole thing. And maybe God isn’t all that concerned with it. Maybe He just leaves the choice up to us. And if circumstances and bad luck leave us stuck with unwanted singleness, well, maybe isn’t all that concerned with that, either. But, maybe that’s just my bitter, cynical side speaking.
Also, when Paul writes to the Corinthinas, he discourages them from marrying (or marrying hastily) because of the “present distress,” because of some difficulty that that church was going through that would have certainly complicated marriage and raising a family.
Who knows?
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Personally, I do, however, now think that the “gift of singleness” refers to an ability that certain people have, versus simply the state of being single. When Paul writes about this gift, he uses the same word he uses for spiritual gifts. When Jesus talks about singleness, he mentions that not everyone is able to accept being single, only some people.
Yes, Paul writes about his own singleness, but it seems to me that he is simply saying that he has that sort of gift. I mean, don’t we generally accept that Paul received divine revelations when writing his epistles? Maybe he got one in this case. And isn’t the Greek word for “gift” here the same word he uses for other spiritual gifts? The Greek word for “gift” here refers to an ABILITY, not a “present.” These texts were not written in English, after all.
How to reconcile this with single Christians who don’t want to be single? Who don’t feel “content” with being single? The Bible nowhere promises us marriage. We live in a bad world, where bad things happen and life doesn’t always go our way. I’ve also read that there’s more Christian women in the world than there are men. If that’s broadly accurate, it means not everyone will find a partner to marry. Is that because of “God’s plan”? Or just a bad worldly circumstance, one of many?
When Jesus talks about single people, he also mentions a few different categories. People who were made that way from birth, people who were made that way by other men, and people who choose to live that way. Jesus then says that not everyone is able to accept celibacy.
Also, a lot of the time, when you’re single, people tell you to “take advantage” of it because you can apparently “serve more.” You have more “time” to serve, they’ll say, and this is the crux of why it’s a “gift.”
I think lot of this comes from a certain take on what Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. Paul basically says that an unmarried person is devoted to the Lord and not distracted by the needs of his spouse. This is then interpreted by some to mean that a person can do “more ministry” as a single. I don’t think that’s what Paul says here. I mean, if that’s the case, why are all the pastors and church elders typically married? Did they make a mistake? Is marriage getting in the way of their ministry? What Paul says here, I believe, is that if you AREN’T distracted by the desire for marriage, then MAYBE you have the gift of singleness.
Does singleness cause you to “seek contentment”? Well…no, not really. The Bible nowhere demands that single people have to find a way to be content with being single. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul says that, if you’re NOT content with being single, then maybe you should try to get married.
I mean, sure, Paul recommends staying single. OK. But he said other things, too. Paul also said that it was OK to get married. Paul also said that it was just his own opinion that singleness is better. Paul also said that you’re not sinning by marrying. Besides, when Paul wrote that, he was writing to a church that was experiencing lots of worldly distresses. It makes sense for him to caution people against marrying in an atmosphere like that. But even he includes some qualifiers. I mean, even Jesus said that celibacy isn’t for everyone.
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Hello James, I appreciate you sharing your perspective and thoughts on this topic.
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