If only I had a little more money…
If only I had a little more time…
If only I had married her…
If only I hadn’t married her…
If only my kids would behave a little better…
If only. If only. If only…
Few words are so powerful as the words ‘if only’ to both sap our motivation and stoke our discontent.
The most frightening thing about the phrase is just how smoothly it rolls off the tongue. Its simplicity, paired with its infinite applicability, make it a deadly duo.
What this little phrase tempts us to do is to ignore reality. Instead of dealing with the cards we have been dealt and the moves that have been made, they let us craft an image of a past that never was and of a present that never will be. And in this ghost of a reality we sit and linger and fester.
“Oh! What could have been!”
“Oh! How close I was!”
If only…
In her little book on productivity, writer Ana Ávila put it like this:
‘If only.’ These words are dangerous. They are the words we take refuge in to avoid doing what we know we should be doing. They are the words that make us look longingly at an imaginary world in which things are just a little different, while time slips through our fingers. In that imaginary world, a single detail seems to change the entire course of our lives.1
If only we had a little less faith in ‘if only.’ We are probably giving this phantom version of ourselves more credit than it deserves. Would we really have made the most of that opportunity? Was it really only that one life ingredient that we lacked? It’s rather doubtful.
What is more likely is that ‘if only’ is an anchor dragging us down and holding us back from realizing ‘what could be.’
What could be with a little tighter budget?
What could be with the time we gain by unplugging the TV?
What could be if we just focused on being a better spouse or a better person?
I know the cards aren’t stacked in our favor…but just imagine what could be if we played the hand we are dealt to the best of our ability? It’s kind of an exciting thought, don’t you think? Remember, imagination is rarely our true enemy. It can both hold us back or draw us forward. The key is how we frame it.
When we refuse to dwell in the ‘if only’s’ and rather ask ‘what could be’ we are really asking our present selves to take action—to take a step forward to find out.
We should be sober and humbly realize that we almost certainly won’t be changing the world, and even our own lives will struggle to keep pace with our imagined future selves. But even then, as we work from what we have toward what could be, we will at last be dealing with reality.
Notes
- Ana Ávila, Make the Most of Your Productivity: A Guide to Honoring God with Your Time (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2024), 47
Photo by Randy Jacob on Unsplash
Moore Thinking 
Great post! A subject that needs to be talked about more. The following quote was very helpful: “But even then, as we work from what we have toward what could be, we will at last be dealing with reality.”
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